i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
