What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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