I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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