It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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