Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
