You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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