hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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