Nicole vs. Life
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
