Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
