I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
