If i come over, it means nothing
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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