i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
