I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
