just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
