Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
