Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You smell like stripper and shame
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
