i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
