no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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