i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize