Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize