omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
