I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
