Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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