by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
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So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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