I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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