Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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