the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
