You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
