i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
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I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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