you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
