I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
