The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
you never un-have a 4some
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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