oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Mom said you looked used
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
