By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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