it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The adults are the big ones right?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
