I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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