wat bout pragnant strippers??
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
