to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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