i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
