k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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