i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
