she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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