I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
