Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
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They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
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If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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