He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
