Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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