I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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