I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
