I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
