so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
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I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
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I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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