My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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