porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
