my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My dick has a subreddit
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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