So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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