I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
