I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
