i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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