i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
