Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
