i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
