He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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