walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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