You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
