awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Semen is not good for contacts.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
