i think i have two assholes
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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