I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
