Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Congratulations! We have a period
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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