We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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