just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
