It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
