I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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