Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
