I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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