Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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