I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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