How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
