I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
