her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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