I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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