hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize