his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize