just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
