I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
